23 and 2010.

So the wonderful part of having a birthday in December is that you have the chance to reflect on the past year in age and as a whole year in its entirety.

Like previous posts mentioned (and sometimes ranted far too much), you can get that 2009 has been a trying and challenging year personally. Road bumps, mountains, unexpected emotional shifts and drifts have all played its part in the wear and tear of my emotional, spiritual and yes, physical condition.

But ah, let's not focus on the beautiful mess of the past 12 months, but turn our eyes to the skies and praise God for what is ahead and most importantly, what is now.

I am determined to surround myself with healthy vibes, conversations, people and consistent and stable friends and family to keep me grounded to attempt to change the course of my life. I've written some personal mind-sets, if you will, to remind me daily of my life and how carefully I must treat it.

Jump on my 2010 hype and join the fun!:

1. Healthy Health-Me!
...wholesome and healthy conversations, thoughts, productivity and activity. Eating right. Exercise. Nothing too ambitious, but a realistic and capable goal.

2. My identity in Christ
...this is focused on knowing who I am in Him and remembering that I am only accountable to my Utmost. Understanding this will then create an emotional ground for myself and for the ever-changing circumstances that seem to keep slapping me in my face here and there.

3. Be Still
...for a person that so naturally loves being on the go and being surrounded by good people, I tend to forget that I thrive and survive from moments of silence and prayer. "Me time" is crucial, especially at the delicate age of 23 and so the act of "being still" will create positive movements of change.

4. Appreciate Pain
...yes, life is hard and will put unforseen mountains in the way, but God has well equipped me to climb it and keep going. Praise God!

5. Be a Disciple
...I realized that I have had a whole year to focus on myself without any "spiritual" obligations. I am confident that my hiatus is over and I am ready to get my feet wet again! I am ready to use my resources, be mindful of my harvest and have at God's blessings.

Mega stoked, ready to be used and keeping my head up.

... that's only a handful and I challenge and encourage you all to not set goals for yourself, but develop Higher purposes for the next year to come. Accountability runs good conversations, and I plan to have MANY of those...

Bless and be Blessed,

...me, myself and I.

My Season of SOLitude.

It seems as if nothing has changed since February.

Considering the many rants I've posted on this wonderful "blogosphere" (bah!), I realized that the times that have caused me pain, discomfort, dissatisfaction and confusion have all been stemmed from one source.

This reminds me of Einstein's famous quote that states that insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. Each month, each week, and each sleepless night have all fueled my insanity and the lies and unanswered questions have all been things that I have still not been able to fully grasp and come to terms with.

It's not easy letting go and forgiving that which is familiar to you. Regina Spektor's song "Eet" somewhat touches on that subject:"It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song/ You can't believe it/You were always singing along."-- Yeaa, can't believe I just quoted a song (how lame!)

When I've hit the second or third day of true solitude I always feel a sense of relief and finally fresh air to breathe. I can sleep. I can think for myself. I can actually hear myself think. I can doubt myself, rather than someone else.

I.
am.
FREE.

A person can fill you up with words and sweep you off your feet with gifts and quick run-ins into town, but the real indication of change was always behind closed doors: when I wasn't there, when the storm has calmed and when things were seemingly okay. But even then were the most painful realizations that even behind closed doors is when wandering eyes didn't think much of spending the night two hours away from home, when forty-five minutes was too much to see me. Painful, I know.

Sleepless nights? The thought that keeps me up the most is trying to figure out how any decent human being can know that he has caused so much pain, yet still have the audacity to do the same thing again. You either get it or you don't... and clearly, he didn't.

Change seemed to be apparent in February...and then July...and then October.

It should never be THIS hard. Once should've been the end, but I guess my limits are really being tested.

And so now I am trying my best to soak in my season of SOLitude:release, freedom, change, learning, hope and RESTORATION.

The joy of the Lord is most real in my life during these brutal moments in which I experience, and have been, for the past ten months. God really wasn't joking when I asked Him to challenge me and prepare me as a wife.

And yes, God laughs...

But ah, enough with the pity, we gotta move forward folks!: may I be humbled by His grace as I seek to KNOW what grace looks like when it has fallen from my fingertips. There is nothing I want more from these experiences than to know God and be closer to Him.

My season of SOLitude is a season of pain and acceptance.




...And I really am okay with that.

-------------



But oh, let's not forget favorites! That is not to say that there has never been moments of joy, smiles and happiness. I would have never been able to feel pain if I had not felt happiness before. But even in my most painful state, I am joyful in Him and appreciative for the times in which we've learned, grew and fought until we realized that the only thing we have is prayer.

At a loss?! Never. With an eternal eye, "if God is for us, who can be against us?"




Prayer and progression.

...Smile you.

Met Someone?

I found it funny that someone asked me if I met someone. Met someone like slumber-party-take-a-trip-to-Tahoe met someone or like let's-go-galavant-around-Sac/Vallejo/Tahoe/Fiji/the mountains/Hawaii... met someone or mini-adventure someone or moved-on met someone or forget-about-fav-I'm-just-not-gonna-say-anything met someone?

I can't seem to figure out the difference.



-------
Ah, yes... indifferent is the word.

"Cheers, to my Husband" (revisited)

I was going through some old files and came across this little rant. I still remember sitting on my bed in Berkeley, still very confused and very much so defeated by what seemed to be a year of on-again and off-again relationship-type relations. (Thas wasssup.)

My only backbone was focusing on God and the good that He wanted to come out of this disappointment of Fall 2006 that lead to the day I wrote this little rave.

So, I revisited today, and began to reflect on how things have changed from then until now (overwhelming in itself!) and the path and journey of brokenness and the beauty that follows restoration.

Today, there are moments of indifference and moments of hope. Revisiting this has brought me back to my roots and joys of being single. Remembering the satisfaction of being still, knowing God and fitting within His parameters of love, my future, and now.

Enjoy, with an open heart and an "easy-be" mindset. Good, better and best. Relationships and my personal convictions and reservations are still very much beyond me, but God, who remains the same, stays consistent and ever so faithful.

I've been helllaa gooods, yo. I just had to revisit my foundation.

--------

Sunday, September 23, 2007 Cheers, to my husband. I know I'm going out on a limb here. Lately, in all honesty, marriage and family and all those fun "grown-up" ideas have been more than appealing to me- they have been "no bueno" (in my roommate's language) and now it's time for me to get to the root of the matter =) So, my self-destructing mind and heart has been having this overwhelming desire to be in a relationship (finally, I'm getting to my point!)- whether I find him at the grocery store or walking down the street, it all boils down to me wanting to have someone. Which, now that I think of it, is pretty much me pretending to be a wife, and him pretending to be my husband- again, whoever he may be. And before I continue, I must give credit where credit is due. Most, if not all of what you read is not something that came to mind when I woke up one day. God has blessed me with living clean vessels and doers of His word that have been used to challenge my spiritual walk. Although I have been mentally, spiritually, and emotionally drained, those "butt-kicking" times have proved to sharpen who I am and who I let myself be in my identity with Christ- something I've been longing for since day one. Your impact is truly beyond me, and my future husband will one day thank you. After many M.I.A sessions and randomly poking my head in Vallejo here and there, I must say that it has been and will continue to be one looooooonnnggg and challenging journey. God has broken me down and built me back up- or perhaps I have done that to myself ;) In any case, selfishly, this little "write-a-note" section all boils down to my benefit; but somewhere in my heart I passionately write this anticipating that my brothers and sisters shall hold my hand in this emotionally driven, yet spiritually captivating lifestyle. So please read on as if culture and society were nonexistent. Be open to conviction, and let it manifest itself so strongly within your faith; so much that as you read, however uncomfortable you may feel, you'll continue reading until you have fully grasped and connected Christ's teachings with your willingness. I must add, before I end up with no friends (ha!) that this is in no direct accusation towards anyone or any couple- for that matter. Like I said, this note is selfishly for me. I, too, am human and as I share my convictions, as well as weaknesses with you, I then ask you to keep me accountable to your fullest capacity whenever I share with you my emotional heartaches, confusions, and crazy stories of infatuations (Praise God for your ears, Shay!). In my quest to be single, or bitterly speaking, in my calling of celibacy, I have realized and am still trying to apply, that relationships, when viewed upon in a Godly perspective, is simply a social construct (one, out of the many things I learned from a man after God's own heart.) Like I said before, all of this is based on my spiritual convictions, and me writing this is in no way contingent upon my personal life. Growing up, I have been automatically taught that Christians get into relationships to glorify God together, and with that mind-set, those relationships are considered legit. Putting all other technicalities aside, the idea of "glorifying God together" raises a number of unaddressable issues or problems- I don't even know what to call it. I was, I believe, twelve and a half when I learned this concept, and I was already getting pointers on how to make a relationship work. Little did I know that, according to what I know now, relationships (if you are in no condition to support or start a family) in no way glorifies God. What is the difference between me glorifying God with my boyfriend and me glorifying God with a fellow brother in Christ? Is it the emotional intimacy and involvement one experiences in not only being able to lust, (oops, I mean love) someone as well as glorify God at the same time? Maybe, just maybe, that is it. Selfish... just maybe. In my head, a man and a woman (not a boy and girl) are given grounds to be in a relationship when they are ready to get married. EUREKA! =) Particular emotions are to be solely experienced by your husband or wife, no pretending involved =) My next question that I struggle with is this: How then, will I be able to find a husband (sadness!) when I am not cultivating a relationship with anyone? My conviction is this: To not let myself get into a relationship. Guard my emotions, my desires, until I am ready. Yes, God has blessed me with emotions to feel a certain way for someone, but I believe that this is only grounds to prepare myself to be a woman of God- satisfied, complete, and FULLY aware of who she is in Christ; and with that focus, will come, God-willingly, my capability to be a Godly wife, in full submission to her husband, but equally compatible to the man she loves. And here, I end, once again reiterating that this is to not place judgment on anyone, but rather anticipate a common understanding with my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I write this, screaming for accountability, cause God knows I can get on my emotional trips of fairy tales and sappy love song modes. So, please, by all means, keep me in check. I invite you all to challenge me and be challenged. Please, let me, in humility, seek to serve and love God in the most purest and nonconformist way. Cheers, to my husband. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

22 & Counting...

No, not 22 my age. More like 22 spots on my body. Gross, I know!

But, it's no surprise to me that I have these little marks on my body. When I'm being pushed mentally, physically, or emotionally, my body tends to react in exciting and new ways. Gotta love it! Errgh.

Hives, hair loss, weight loss (yayy!) and heart palpitations are usually the winners. Hair loss being my favorite. Bah.

The winner this time around: little hive-looking things that like to spread themselves out day by day. My left wrist is the winner for the most, but my right wrist is catching up, neck area and back. Perfect timing for Hawaii, ay! Ayaaaa...

In most cases, if not all, I am mentally OK. Seriously! I'm aware that I have a lot to do or am aware of any emotionally strain I'm experiencing, and it doesn't get to me. My body seems to think otherwise.

I magically know how to cancel things out of my mind if it's too overwhelming, but of course my body likes to remind me that I have to deal with it. Not sure what the right approach is, but I know I gotta deal with it.

Now to pinpoint the cause or reason remains a mystery.

Until then, I shall occupy my thoughts even more by playing connect the dots on my arms...

But hey! No complaints here. I'm in way better shape than this guy. Sorry fellas, this was the only thing that made me smile today.





...Let's do this.

On that Hype!

Super busy, but loving it! I miss jammed-packed-one-thing-after-the-other schedules and exhausted, yet very productive days!

I love bridal showers. Always gives me a new perspective on marriage and helps me shape my mentality to the way I prepare myself as a God-fearing woman.

I also think men should have a (lightweight) bridal shower (Ha!). Break that manly wall and give other dudes some advice on what to look forward to. Seriously, I think they'd be surprise as to what good comes out of a community of men who are hopeful of a Christ-centered marriage.

I hope mine is. faaaaa'sho.

... a weekend plus: new music! Woop Woop. Check out "Little Dragon"

gooood stuufff!

Night folks, it's been grand. =]




-------------
ps-- Finally! A new bed. Feeling better already...

102.

Mantha has a mega high fever and is bleeeehh.

Beloved.

Beloved

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

------------------------

I haven't heard this song in awhile until Sunday. Ah, another "breath of fresh air" moment...

(I sang this while I was carrying Selah and she fell asleep!)

Wifey Hyphy Hype.

In my vain attempts to get rid of the monsters in my head, I decided to get my lip pierced and a haircut. All in one day. (No biggie.)

The monsters are still here. Next step.

The Bible.

..................................................................................
I decided to do my own little study of Proverbs 31 (not sure when it'll end, but still having at it!). More specifically, Proverbs 31: 10-31 "A Wife of Noble Character." Or more accurately, "The Virtuous Wife" (NKJV). Wow. I can picture it now: me riding on a horse galloping down a road to my prince charming. Jigga man.

Anyways... I LOVE it! As most of you know, I used to talk about marriage and my own personal obsession with the idea of my husband and I for awhile now. That was then. This is now.

I stopped. No marriage, no planning, no hopes, no nada. Lightweight. The idea of marriage has become my enemy and has been the vehicle to many disappointments. Instead, I figured I should stop focusing on getting married, and gear up on what I can do now: becoming a "virtuous woman"-- riding on my horse. Ha!

I LOVE it. (again.)

I've only read a few notes on that portion of scripture, but from the basics to the "non-essentials" (bah-- I've grown to hate that word) to the random facts, I love reading God's Word as He teaches me what it means to be a wife. A woman. WORD.

I read this in a commentary and it got me thinking...

"Though she is a woman of spirit herself, yet her desire is to her husband, to know his mind, that she may accommodate herself to it, and she is willing that he should rule over her." (MHC)

The Bible always seems to confront us with little conflicting ideas that are sometimes hard to grasp. In order to live in Christ, we must die to ourselves. Be in the world, but not of the world.

And then there's... women.

My boy D felt that women were God's first and most precious gift to men. In that same sense, women are encouraged to live these lives that are strong, yet gentle and quiet; understanding, but not too passive; independent, yet dependent on her man.

And I feel that's the beauty of having life in Christ. That, more specifically, as women, we are fragile and precious-- not only to God, but to the men we marry-- yet we are, in a sense, called to maintain a life that is strong, able, and... tolerant. (Bah!)

"To know his mind..." To know my husband's mind. At first I thought this was a selfish notion, that one must not consider another so much and be so accommodating to another person, let alone a man. Ha. But after careful thought and most importantly, seeing it through an eternal lens, I discovered this humbling and obedient act to love. Love God and follow His words, which thus follows with my willing love for my husband.

Whether it's ironing his clothes on his bed (ha!) or quietly cheering him on during a hard day, the "role" of a wife is no longer existent, but rather an expression of love to our Father and to the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

And to know his mind... ah, that gets me. I love it. It's exciting. I feel that some would view this never ending journey to be an exhausting and weakening act, but I cannot wait to know what makes my husband laugh and smile, what causes pain and what makes him irate and irked. I used to view this certain "wife-like" lifestyle in a sort of servant way; and be that as it may, but that's the beauty of it all. That was the beauty of Christ's life here on Earth, our responsibilities as Christians, and yes, my anticipation as a wife.

There is no end to knowing my husband's mind. So onward I follow, my marriage is going to be forever and THRIVING. Best believe.

Husband-- I got you. Don't trip.

=]

Dwele-- Open Your Eyes

Waiting for God's best...

"In Fact, It Won't Change."

In the craziness of accusations, false assumptions and painful memories, there is always this calming breath of fresh air as one struggles to reach above the surface. A hopeful, medicinal reassurance.

Every so often an individual, after looking at a painful season from a bird's eye, can, with humility, say (in today's language)... "I've been through it." In that ghetto, somewhat appealing slur. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

But fo'real, I've been through it.

And no, it may not be as painful as some, but hey, we all know what it feels like to be done dirty in one way or another. Six months ago I thought all of this would soon be over and done with, but to my great surprise, I'm only at the beginning. But I won't waste my time crying over errthang (God knows that's just me and him time, ha!) but this is a message of hope, air and a space to tread calm waters.

Things done in the past can't change. Won't change. And it is within my weakened power to seek a balance of coping, while gaining wisdom and direction for today.

So...
back to why I started writing, ha!

My favorite person and I were killin' each other, and since we were at work, we were killin' each other via email. (Welcome to the 21st Century!) And at the end of his email he wrote...

"I like you. This will not change tomorrow or the next day. In fact, it won't change."

Words that I needed to hear. See, the thing with this guy is that he is my opposite and my balance. My consistent, unwavering mind that I lack and he fulfills and satisifies. I feel like he has this obsession with the idea that when you decide to like someone enough to commit to a relationship with, it is a done deal, sonnn! Whether I am this or that, he is set. Now this may seem like an easy mentality to pick up on, but trust me, it is tough stuff. If a habit, comment or behavior does not sit right with me, you're donzo. Nuff' said.

But the beauty of this is that Christ is the same way. His grace, His mercy, and His blessings are not dependent upon our actions. And no, I do not feel like I am dating a bootleg Jesus (no offense, D!), but I am comforted in the fact that I am blessed with someone who can attempt the same for me and (with God's mighty fine grace!) I attempt to do the same for him and others around me.

Relationships aren't meant to reach an end point of success. But to develop character and most importantly, function in a way that above all, glorifies God in every which way possible. I encourage and challenge you to love. To hold on to an eternal perspective and build your character in a relational, spiritual and personal manner.

Cheers to an unwavering soul.

Product Hopping, the Consumer and You.

For the past month or so, I've been trying to plan the next ten years of my life and realized I can't even plan the next six months.

At least once or twice a week I go on ijm.org and stare at the "careers" website, and move my cursor over to the internship programs. IJM (International Justice Mission) focuses on ending modern day slavery, ranging from volunteers, lawyers, social workers, to many other non-profit organizations to collaborate together to end this ever-present, yet unsurfaced injustice in our world today.

I think I can go on forever about this issue and how many times I thought about trying to intern overseas with IJM, only to realize that it's not realistically feasible, but I won't. So perhaps I'll try to work on a more local scale: some folks from FBC will be heading down to Vacaville to watch "Call+Response" on June 26 to watch it at a church.

We're also trying to implement the "Loose Change to Loosen Chains" campaign which still needs to get approved so we can spread the word.

More info? Let's talk!

Anyways... the point of this blog-- so I was hopping from site to site trying to figure out my life in relation to my personal desire to get involved (which has taken me in circles) and came across this website.

I felt like I hit a goldmine! Kinda... not really. This site has thumbnails of many different companies and their response to slave-free products. And of course, the first two companies I checked were... correct: Nike and Starbucks. (I could see my boy D smirking-- or frowning-- already). And yes... thoughts on those two companies may just end up on a different blog. Or you can probably find a million other blogs about it...

Although I haven't read through all of the companies, I find this site to be an open door, starting ground and in some sense limiting in the way we view ourselves as consumers, as well as our personal response and call to action regarding modern day slavery.

An open door in that it sparks an interest to those who are unaware (and aware) of what's going on. It's a little unifying in a sense that we are all consumers, and if we don't share a common ground of sports, high fashion, gender-related things, etc... we can all agree that we've supported and bought from at least one of these companies.

This is a good starting ground for those who don't know where to begin. In the film "Call+Response" a spokesperson was explaining this sort of paralyzing feeling an individual is confronted with when he or she first hears of the reality of slavery today. The intial reaction is always a sympathetic deeply disheartening feeling, but quickly (unknowingly) transitions to a "in-passing-just-thought-you-should-know" moment.

Shifting that perspective to viewing yourself as an every day consumer and how it relates to the injustices around the world, one can find a bridge, a common ground, a turning revelation-- as trivial and surface-like that may sound.

And this site too can be limiting. It can bust each and everyone of us out-- including me... even after I write a whole blog about it. The harsh reality is that it is a vicious circle that is beyond us. Like I've mentioned, I haven't gone through each company, but is it possible to be a consumer and still 100% support slave-free products?

I believe it's possible. Weed out the good, forget the bad. But that's a whole other discussion. But the site isn't limiting in the fact that we won't be able to buy products from this company or that company, but moreso the idea that we may realize that our efforts are limited knowing that everything somehow connects.

I can drop Starbucks. But if my phone is motorola (no response yet) then does dropping Starbucks mean anything? We're surrounded by these limitations, and I feel like the only possible way is to live without advancements, clothes, houses, etc... In some way, shape or form we support companies that turn a blind eye to social injustices.

So where does the result of the action lie? Or does it even exist? I think it most definitely exists, but what happens when it is inevitable that you support a company with "no response"?

This can get long so more conversations to follow...


And while you browse around, I encourage you to spend time reading on callandresponse.com, ijm.org and notforsale.com. Awareness is the first step!

Peace all...

"Honey" (Conformist). Love and Release..

I came across this new poppin' artist: Zee Avi. I remember watching her youtube videos a year or so back and now she's signed onto Jack Johnson's Brushfire label-- oh whaat? Word. (Not to mention her name is... awesome.)

"Honey Bee" --Zee Avi. (okayy... I can't post youtubes on here anymore-- don't know why-- but click here to listen to the song.)



This song in particular struck a chord (haha, no pun intended) in my little mind and big heart. I imeem'd" this new rising artist and before most of her songs play she explains why she wrote it. (Man, this blog is full of techonological-pop-culture-hip-cool-world-wide-web-trends. Bah.)

Soo... "Honey Bee" in particular was written about (as she described it) the struggles a "non-confomist" faces when falling in love; because in falling in love with a person (that may or may not be a person that is like you) that (non-conformist) has to succumb or conform to the ways of society-- to compromise whatever beliefs or ways of thinking he or she has had. On the flip side of that, however, the person that has also fallen for this "non-coformist" is willing to do whatever it takes to help that person out. Willing to fight, willing to struggle, willing to learn and to overcome the transition of compromise.

And within the fighting and struggling comes wisdom, perseverance and greater appeciation for that person: unfiltered, unchanged (untrained, ha!).

Just you.


----------------------
And for some feel good, soul-thriving live music, Zee Avi will be peforming in SF this Friday (May 22!) at the Rickshaw Stop. (I should be getting paid for this). I'm not going though cause I have a graduation to attend-- shout out to MAC JERV!



Peace be, folks. Have a blessed one.

Trouble Sleeping?

I miss my Fav already...

-- manta.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:6-13)

Beat Slaps.

I like.
... can't forget about this one...

=],
manpizzle.

First Pres Lovin'

Yayyy for super, amazing, so awesomely fresh bosses/co-workers/friends/errrthang!

Wedensday was Administrative Professionals Day so my work (First Pres. Berkeley) treated all the admins (including me- Admin for Youth Ministries, woop woop!) to Macaroni Grill. Thumbs up for good food, good conversations, awesome people and greatness. The End. (...Or was it)

On my way back to my desk, I came across these wonderful, oh so magical God-created beauties...

Not to mention, the super creative minds (that I'm privileged to work with) that thought of this wonderful note...

(A sentence with words filled in by candy bar names. Go on, read it!)

Most of you know how much I rave about how wonderful my job is. The people, days like these, and random moments are all just bonuses. Praise God for that First Pres lovin.

...Happy Saturday!

PS: I watched "Garden State" last night. It was the first time I watched that movie in about three years. Can I just say... amazing? Great movie. Awesome actors (Zach Braff- you know, homeboy that's sexy ugly... yeaa, you know what I'm talking about; not to mention the quiet genius in him), actresses (Natalie Portman- need I say more?), story line, camera shots, blah blah... I loved it and I'll watch it again.

So for you folks that haven't watched it... holla. I'M COMING OVER!

Tsunami.

More food for the lover in you: "Tsunami" (Res) ... okay, okay. Now this really is for the lover in you. I'm not gonna lie, I had this song as a ringtone for my boo way back when. Hahaha.

Bah. Happy Monday, folks. It's a beautiful day!

Samaunties & Mommy Manthas

Oh whaat? I spent the day with Sams on Wednesday playing "mommy." Or maybe I should say playing "super auntie." Yee!

(Selah J. mean muggin' cause I'm not her real mommy and Kiovanni nervous cause he's next to a girl!)

Sams holding Kiovanni in one hand and studying her nursing books in the other, me holding Selah J., watching "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" and eating fruit in the other hand. I think we did a pretty good job considering I forgot to change Sey out of her "pantologs" and Sams and I couldn't figure out how to get Kiovanni's stroller to fold while he screamed in the car cause he was hungry (but we couldn't do anything cause Sams forgot his bottle at my house).

Oh maann! ...A good Wednesday it was.

... To pause and reflect.

My Selah J.

Okay... okay. I know she's not my child, but I can honestly say being around her gives me peace. The world seems to stand still when all eyes are on her. Who would've thought Mantha would connect with a child?!! With all these babies, one can't help but give thanks and revel in God's mighty hands.

Lykke Li.

Yeeeumm! I found me some new food. =)

Listen, don't look-- wacko youtube video. I was introduced to this wonderful artist after my friend played the same youtube video while popping, locking and doing all those crazy dance moves he usually does in his dining room.

Ha. Enjoy!

Growing Pains.

Earlier this week, as I rambled on and on about the growing pains of life to my sister, she said:

"Mantha... sometimes I think God puts me and you through certain things so that we could better understand Mom and the decisions that she made."

Oh boy.

Without getting into too much detail, I (re) -realized two things:
1. The quiet wisdom and perspective my sister so humbly carries with her.
2. The quiet wisdom and perspective my mother so humbly carries with her.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? (haha.)

This past month has been overwhelmingly trying. I can go through a list of reasons why I think I have experienced more emotional strain in the past month than I'd ever experienced within the past few years, but this blog isn't suppose to be an outlet for drama queens and O.A. moments- although it's on the verge of that. Bah.

This is about growing pains.

Perspective.

Humility
... and God.


Although there are those times, nights, calls of utmost frustration and surrender, God has most definitely shown His sovereignty and plan. The mind is a funny, yet an instrumental part of our lives-- duh! It can redeem you, but at the same time, be the thing that kills you. So, friends, beware... because the minute you try to logically, emotionally, (and for you cuckoos, physically) pick apart your mind and try to piece everything together, that's the moment when God is no longer working. Oh my! A devastating thought.

The only true, whole, constant, sane thing about anything is God. God is growth. God is perspective. And God will put your little self in check, and all you can do is stand in awe, humbled by His grace and humbled by His works.

I'll admit, growing pains suck and all that encompasses it, but I rather be humbled to know that these growing pains are mere reminders that God exists. (Amazing.)

So with that perspective, problems, trials, broken hearts (emo heads!) and anything of the sort hurt like a mutha... but are, nonetheless, whispers, shouts, nudges, and/or punches from the Utmost that He is paying attention so you better put your game face on and... grow.

Growing pains are necessary. It is not a means to an end. It is a process, a direction-- you know, like infinity. Ha. Eternal like the Most High.

See... easy.


... so turn your eyes to the skies, folks. Life is most definitely good.

Generic Hype Beast.

My oh my. After a refreshing, much needed "getaway" to Monterey with some real good folks, I decided to hop on this blog hype. Welcome.

While you wait for something interesting to happen, check this out:


Esperanza Spalding doing a cover of "Overjoyed" by the one and only STEVIE WONDER. Not to mention, in Mr. Obama's house. Oh, so this is what he does on Saturday nights!

Stay tune.